If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
