I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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