Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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