Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
