I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
