we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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