Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
