i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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