fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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