i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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