Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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