Even the bartender felt bad for me
worst night to have a conscience
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
