Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
please don't ironically join a cult
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