Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
