Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You are a genius and a whore.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
