he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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