Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
This toilet bowl is my home.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
