My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
