I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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