Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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