didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
