covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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