A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
