Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
