remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
