what day is it and did you see me today?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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