whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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