whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
