...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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