He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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