"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
