I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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