Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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