Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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