i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
