you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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