dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
