I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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