We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
