dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
