i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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