Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
