I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
