guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
