Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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