I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
