I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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