WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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