I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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