I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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