Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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