I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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